After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
