My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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