if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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