there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
