I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
