his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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