her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
this boner is exhausting
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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