Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
