Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
