if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
