I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
