He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
