how can u be prego again
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
