well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
