You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
