I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
