i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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