I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
