took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
