Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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