just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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