he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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