I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
