the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
