After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
