So drunk its hurt
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
