I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
