Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
