no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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