I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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