everyone is single if you try hard enough
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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