i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
