a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
