She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
