saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
