I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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