Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The best revenge is premature balding
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
