After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
