Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
