Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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