Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
