and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
