its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
