I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
