He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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