You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
