You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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