i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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