On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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