wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
