and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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