i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
